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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I am seeing my parents do not have a good relationship lately.

My mom always shares about her problems with me especially when it is related to my dad. I do not know should I believe of what she said. Because I never heard anything from my dad. Dad is rather quiet person. I know his personality quite well cause I'm inherit most of his 'behaviour', most people said that. I hope they could enjoy those happy moment again, just like when they fell in love.
MOM and DAD.. Get well soon. I love you.

I voted for MISS.VENEZUALA!!!! but Miss.Canada won..

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I admit that I am quite sensitive this few days about every single things. Today I couldnt control my overwhelming anger. I tried not too, but it just seems to hard for me. So much that I want to hate it but I cant. I could just slap it but I know it wont make things better either. I couldnt do anything. That makes me angry to myself. And I failed my fasting too. I am Selfish!


I ate alot just now. I cant believe I can eat that much. After I had my dinner, I ate ice-cream continue with bread and fruits and Jams.. I love Jam! I love kaya.. Today my eyes pain. I wanted to get early sleep. But it seems to hard to close my eyes without remembering what happened today.
Anyway I already forgiven him when I walked out of the toilet. I just try to make him feel guilty and learn from his mistake. He seems no one teach or care about his childish attitude. Well I care!! I dont think his friends like it, being treated that way. But if he still being the same one.. then he is hopeless. He is 20 years old. And 20 years old should know what is right or wrong. Should know what is appropriate and not. Should know where is the limit of joking or abusing!!! Grow Up MAN! Grow Up!

.. I dont know if I am being childish too. I feel sad to have such a friend. I might not have much friends. But each of them are important to me. One of my main purpose of living is to make people happy. To make them feel they are SOMEBODY to me.

Graduation are so near. It just a few months ahead. I started looking for my next schools. I feel sad have to leave all my friends down here. Or I am just sad because I am going to be alone there.. Honestly I am scared.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

In my 2 years in RP, I hardly get As for my Understanding Test. For the last 2 years my maximum number of A is only 1! Can you believe it?

And today I break those record! I got 2 As for this semester! And I am VERY VERY VERY HAPPY! Thanks to all my friends that had help me in my studies. I wont forget you guys, especially special thanks to Jennifer(for influence me your work hard attitude). Thanks to Justin(for sharing your resources,SP LECTURER, and your repeating explaination). Thanks to Shallum(for joining our study group! for sending me home.. haha.. and for great motivation). Thanks alot guys.
And my special special thanks for my ABBA FATHER!
** Let me share some special tips why I get A, beside because I studied. I prayed. I asked GOD to take part in whatever I did. Without HIM, I am useless brainless hopeless.. He fill my world and my heart.
But even if I dont get A, I will still thanks Him for whatever He gave me. I can feel my brain in not working most of the time. I noticed I have very low intellegent.
I love you GOD!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

i love you
i hate you
i envy you
i despise you
i need you
i want you
i poisoned you
i corrupted you
i created you
i destroyed you
i cherished you
i hurt you
i healed you
i persuaded you
i let you
i am you.

I copy this from somewhere. It rather cool.



Today I feel rather down. Maybe it was the drugs side effect. I am going mad. I was asleep at other room because my sister was having tuition in my room. When she woke me up, I feel very angry. "WHAT'S WRONG?" I dont know.. Then i tried to continue my sleep. But I cant! So i took my pen and paper. I scribble all my thought.

Oh yeah.. I remember about my first love. I wondered is first love always leave the deepest scar in the heart? Why couldn't I forget it? And the worse things, Everyday without fail, it will appear on my mind. Even I didnt see that person for almost a year. Though I enjoyed my life, I will still remembered those moment.

Its a trauma. I experience trauma of love and animals.
TRAUMA
Psychology emotional shock: an extremely distressing experience that causes severe emotional shock and may have long-lasting psychological effects
Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2003. © 1993-2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

Both are the most memorable, beautiful and pain.
Yeah everything have a price to it. If you want to enjoy, you must pay the price for it. I wonder will I ever married one day?! Will someone truly love me? Even there is.. How can I know? How can I believe that person wont hurt me? I think I'm a fraidy-cat.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Statistic is getting more boring and unreasonable probabilities..
The UT was cancel. The lesson is suks. The fac is lame. All seems wrong.
So during the lesson this is what I had done.

This is for the Famous Amous KOK!

This is for beloved class ever had!

Today kanna bully by that auntie justina. She cheated me by saying SP Lecturer going to teach her. &^%$#@#$%^&* I dont want to talk about it. It makes me feel sick! SO SICK!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

My blog template is sucks! I did it within 1 day. It turned out very terrible. Well I guess from this momemnt I need to write more to practise my English. Though it suks, please dont laugh!

Honestly I got this English-phobia. I am not sure what is wrong with me, but I never passed my English! I guess I started to hate this language! I am just jealous to those people who could speak and write well. But I notice these days, people dont speak that well anymore. The vocab is getting worse to worse. Noticed the number of similar words appear repeatedly in the modern lyrics of songs. Escpecially those language which lacking in courtesy and manners, such as FUCK, BITCH, SHIT, HELL...
Some people even think it's cool to use such words is their daily conversation! Does it sound cool to you guys?! HEY! Normally only those low educated people will used those language. I think people getting futher away from the mean.

I used to think that I am a very sinful person and it makes me shy to go to church. As time passed by, I learned alot from the bible. God actually looking for those sinful people to be saved. If you feel so holy, why should God save you. However, more and more people are blinded by these. They are getting further and further from GOD. Its either you are with GOD or DEVIL. There is never be both or neither. So whom are you with??

I was dreaming last night. I was running. At the beach, during sunset time, everything looks orange brown and dark with the wind blowing through my hair. I could feel the sand softly touched my leg. I saw miraculously were all guys on the beach busy with their own activities. Then there was a abode equiped with all the facilities such as swimming pool, gym, cafe, etc. But one that attract me is the swimming pool. I always dream to swim where you could not see the grounf. So as though you are in the middle of the ocean. You could only see the sky and water surrounding and beautiful scenery. NO BUILDING NO VEHICLE NO TECHNOLOGY ITEMS!

On last saturday was my first time on the bike ever in Singapore. Thanks ya! Enjoy the breeze so clean and fresh. The funny things during the ride, I can smell different fragrant which kept changing from place to place.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Today the Bazaar website finally done. I thought can celebrate it. Until I heard alot this and that.. Haiz..

I wanted to blog today because today is very special day!!
05/05/05!!!!!!!!!!
What a day! Too bad I never go and take neoprint....

I am just so stress coz my FYP is not done yet. And the supervisor is making me even more stressful. Plus.. UT is coming................
The world in my head is collapsing!!!!!!!!

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