Shelly's Profile

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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I spend so much on that facial stuff..
HUH! My money like flew away for nothing~
But I dont know what to do..
Lucky when I told my mom, she didnt get angry
to me.. I'm so scared.
Mom and Dad.. unresolving problems been on and on ever since the casino in batam getting bigger. I dont know why my dad is so obsess with the gambling.
He like donating to the casino company. Will he ever wake up??

My poly life is left about 1.5 years. I still have a lot doubt about where should I continue my studies. Some part of me asked me to go Canada(Ontario), or.. US(California) or Ohio??
US will be very expensive and so far away. My sisters and brother still need to further their studies too. Am I selfish by deciding to go US?
Or Canada? Canada is less expensive, but their business school.. Sucks..
Or I just stop schooling? And work for Singapore government..?

As I grow older, my siblings grow older, I could feel the relationship between us are getting apart. They are too busy with their life, and forgetting about family.
While me, I just started being part of the family in this few years. Amazingly it is easier for me to be open to my mom recently which I never did before.
I wasnt a mommy girl or daddy girl. In my youth I talked to no one about my stuff. I see my parents as 'parents'. Must respect them. Love? I dont feel it at all.
Only when I went abroad, and had alot conflicts, then I realised that they concern about me in different ways.
When my siblings slept one room with my parents, I feel so uneasy to sleep with them.
I feel so uneasy when I was in my parents room.. I seemed like a stranger. So normally after dinner, I will just go into my room and played with my cousin.

Now is 2005.
Memory are still memory..
I could neither forget it or ignore it.
Each morning I wake up I will just wait for a miracle to happen to my family.
They are the only things that I had now.
And You God..

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